‘Chapter 11: Your Behaviours’

‘Eighty percent of success is showing up.’ – Woody Allen

It is said that insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results. If we want different results in our lives, we have to act differently. It is as simple as that.

Now that you have learnt how to change your beliefs and your perceptions, you will be able to work through two of
the major roadblocks you encounter when trying to set up new behaviours. To be successful, however, you have to apply yourself. You can move forward and do something to change your life!

Most of our actions are automatic responses to our changing environment. Some of these automatic responses may be unconscious bad habits that have stemmed from a set of faulty beliefs and perceptions. Regardless of where they have come from and whether we are conscious of them, we are always responsible for our actions.

There may be times when we are aware of particular behaviours that are holding us back from achieving success. If we choose not to change them it is because we see the change as being more painful than the future outcome of not achieving success in that area.

For example, if John thinks he should exercise, but doesn’t, he may have two conflicting beliefs. He may believe that exercise will improve his attractiveness, but at the same time he may believe that exercising is uncomfortable or unpleasant. If he had a dream to run a marathon, John would have to push through his beliefs and get started.

While our beliefs and perceptions directly influence our behaviours, the good news is that the same happens in reverse. So by actually doing what we know we should do, we can create more empowering beliefs and perceive things more positively. For example, being nice to someone you dislike may eventually result in you resolving your feelings towards that person and becoming friends with them. Likewise, confronting some of the things you fear might lead you to stop perceiving those situations as unpleasant, and result in a belief that you can handle difficult situations.

The flip side is that our bad habits can reinforce our disempowering beliefs. For example, if you avoid social contact, it reinforces a belief that other people are unfriendly or that you are not a very likeable person. The result is that the belief then further affects your behaviours and keeps you from going out and having a good time.

In order to get something that we want, we have to first give something up. Life does not extend credit – we have
to give first. In some instances, we can get something by giving up resources such as money. But in many cases, we have to give up some unhelpful behaviours for more resourceful ones in order to get what we want. We always have to sow before we reap, and at times we may have to work a long time before we can harvest the crop.

Many people have not sat down and thought carefully about what they want and what it will take to get it. Until
you know exactly what it is you have to do to achieve your goals, you will have trouble improving your behaviour. Much frustration in trying to achieve success comes from working hard at the wrong things.

Trying to change our behaviours and adopt new ones can be an intimidating process because we don’t know exactly what the result will be. We can research our plans until we have enough information to write a thesis, but the only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to get out there and do it. We always have to take action before the fear of doing it goes away.