‘Chapter 08: What You Perceive Makes the Difference’

Our perceptions can become destructive if they are limited to only one or two alternatives. This is called black and white thinking. People who see things in black and white will label situations and other people as fair or unfair, good or bad, right or wrong. They are unable to comprehend that there are so many more shades in between.

What most people fail to realise, is that their perceptions are always made up. In disagreements over meaning there is no right or wrong because there is no such thing as a ‘true’ meaning. A meaning does not exist until someone creates it. One situation may be interpreted very differently by two people and they will both feel that their own judgement is correct.

Selective perception (and also selective memory) occurs when we pay attention to the details that support our beliefs, but ignore other details. Unpleasant emotions are the result of choosing a perspective that does not make us feel happy. For example, a man who suspects his partner of infidelity will notice if she says or does anything that appears to support his theory. If she says she is going shopping but comes home empty handed, comes home late, or if she is tired when she gets home, it will be noticed and interpreted accordingly.

It is natural to perceive some experiences in a way that makes us feel unhappy. Dissatisfaction is the beginning of progress. Our perception gets in the way, however, when it causes us to feel bad when we could actually be feeling good. Disagreeable, rigid people will always fall short of their potential.