Goal directed thinking is a method of disputing unwanted beliefs by focusing on what you do want.

Briefly consider what you really want in your life. If you already have some goals written down, you might want to read them over.
Ask yourself: ‘Does believing … help me to …?’

For example:

• Does believing our marriage can’t be fixed help us to be happy together?
• Does believing it is bad to make mistakes help me to succeed in my business?
• Does believing that I am bad at managing my money help me save for an overseas holiday?

One of the fastest ways to disempower ourselves is to accept other people’s negative comments. Every time we hear the word ‘you’ attached to a message it is processed by our minds.

Because other people’s opinions may be subconsciously accepted as a credible source of information about us, negative ‘you’ phrases can create trouble. For this reason, we must find ways to protect ourselves from their words.

If people do start to tell you who they think you are, do not become defensive and argue with them – either ignore their comments, or if it happens frequently, approach them about it and ask them to stop. In some instances you may have to stop associating with them entirely, as some people cannot stop pouring their negativity onto others.

If you have a bad habit that you want to change and other people are making comments about it, request that they praise you when you do the right thing instead. You need support to change your bad habits, not criticism. No-one helps you to move forward by continually pointing out the things you do wrong.

A great way to change a belief is to associate pain to the old belief and then to associate pleasure to a new, empowering one. A good way to do that is to think about how your belief has caused pain in the past and would continue to do so in the future.

When you do this exercise, be careful to keep in mind that the past does not equal the future. If you think back to your past and it is painful, use that discomfort to strengthen your resolve to make the necessary changes. If you prefer, you can do this exercise in a journal or with a friend.

1. Select one or two beliefs that you would like to change and sit somewhere where you can be comfortable. Do not rush through this exercise – try to really feel the emotions that are evoked.
2. Think about all the ways in which the beliefs have created pain in the past. Try to visualise past events and bring back the emotions you felt at those times. The events may have occurred a long time ago, or they may have happened in the last week.
3. Think about all the ways in which your beliefs are creating pain right now. Perhaps you have not achieved goals that are really important, or you are not as happy as you would
   like to be. Allow yourself to become dissatisfied with the way your beliefs have held you back.
4. Consider that if you do not change your beliefs, they will continue to bring pain in the future. Visualise yourself ten years older, still holding on to the same beliefs. Imagine how you will feel with such a heavy burden. How about twenty years from now? Lastly, imagine yourself in old age, having held your disempowering beliefs for your whole life. Would you regret that you had not changed them now?
5. Think of empowering alternatives to your beliefs, and this time imagine the improved future you would have if you adopted these instead. Feel excited about all the opportunities that are available to you if you adopt these new beliefs! If you have allowed yourself to really feel the emotions throughout the visualisation you should feel strongly motivated to make some changes.

Our brains are experts at answering questions, and their most specialised knowledge is about ourselves. Every time we ask a question we receive an answer. The quality of the answer matches the quality of the question. For this reason, it is important that we do not ask ourselves limiting questions as these will only strengthen the beliefs that hold us back. For example, if you ask questions like ‘Why do I always screw up?’ your brain might immediately respond with ‘Because you’re a failure!’ If you ask ‘What can I learn from what happened?, however you are likely to get a relevant and informative answer.

Asking questions is one of the best ways to change beliefs, because people attempt to act rationally. If after asking questions you realise that a certain belief is illogical, you will feel more internal pressure to change that belief. A belief that appears to make perfect sense is difficult to change.

Before you ask questions about your beliefs, you need to know what they are. If you do not have one in particular that is becoming a nuisance, or a great one in mind that you are trying to strengthen, turn to the beginning of the chapter and review the section on discovering your beliefs. You might want to question just one belief so that you can spend some time on it and allow yourself to answer the questions in more detail. You can question your beliefs whenever you realise that they are interfering with your actions, or as a preventative exercise.

Ask any questions you like about your belief, but be careful to select ones that will help you reduce the strength of a disempowering belief, not increase it. Obviously, you would ask different questions to strengthen an empowering belief. Some good questions to reduce the strength of a belief may include:

• In what ways is this belief absurd?
• How could this belief be proved incorrect?
• Who taught me this belief and is that person worth modelling in that area?
• What will it cost me in the long-term to keep this belief?
• What will it cost my loved ones in the long-term if I keep this belief?
• Is there anyone, anywhere, with my problem or limitation who has succeeded in spite of it?

Some good questions for increasing the strength of a belief may include:

• In what ways would this belief help me in my life?
• What are the benefits to me and my loved ones if I feel strongly about this?
• What experiences have I already had that prove this belief correct?

It may take several sessions of questioning to change a belief, especially one that has been a part of your thinking for many years. Once a negative belief has been challenged and proven wrong, you can replace it with an empowering one.

For really stubborn beliefs try making up a card with empowering alternatives. Write the beliefs in the same style as you would write an affirmation: present tense and focusing on the positive things that you are moving towards. Put the card in your wallet and read it whenever you can, especially when the belief is holding you back. You may want to take this idea further and put a card on the fridge, the computer monitor, in your car, next to your bed… anywhere you have a blank space.

I once had a friend who always kept his affirmations on a card in his shirt pocket. After repeatedly getting them mangled and put through the wash, he decided to get them laminated!